The Book is Lame

Very lame. I'm bored with it. The thought of talking to three new guys a day is, yes, getting much easier, but after hitting on gay guys, chatting up 18 year olds, scandalously flirting with married men, and dealing with one awkward moment after another, I think I need a break. I am still continuing with the assignments, and some of them are just as mortifying, if not more mortifying as writing my own personal love eulogy. I said I would see this thing through, and I will, but I needed a moment to rant.

Ok....
Now for the truth. I knew it would come out once I started writing. I like Wild. Why would I want to deal with Norbert, MILFhunter and FunGSpot69, when I have a perfectly hansome, polite, and respectful prospect standing right in front of me? Don't get me wrong, Wild is not perfect. In the limited time that we have known eachother, he has already exhibited a pretty bad case of AHV. However, at this rate, his positive qualities seem to outweigh his negative qualities. And like I said, being charming, sexy and almost totally irresistible really helps his case. But still, one step at a time. I will remain open to all possibilities and all oppportunites, keep my head on straight, be honest, and most importantly- be myself. I will enjoy right now.

This is a hard thing for me. And maybe for most women. See, this is my Crazy Virus starting to come out. I freak out about the possibility of this all blowing up in my face, about Wild turning into a real pr*ck, and about being disappointed. I hate being disappointed. I also over-think everything that was said or done in the past, think about how I have been treated in the past, or worry about how the man in my life has treated women in his past. I am now accepting the fact that I am having a mild Crazy Virus outbreak, and choosing to relinquish my crazyness from this point forward. It's not required when living in the moment. And living in the moment is the best moment EVER.

Enjoying here, right now, this very second... is like the best, sweetest, juiciest part of the fruit. It's like a piece of scrumptious, slurpy, summer watermelon. The good stuff, right in the middle. When you're eating the watermelon and it tastes so amazingly delicious, it's easy to get greedy, devour the whole piece, and get too close to the green rind. In your voracious state of mind, you eat some of that white stuff, just before the green rind. You know, that nasty, bland, and sometimes bitter edge. Don't get ahead of yourself... the reason it doesn't taste good, is because that's not NOW. Stay where the sweet stuff is. The bitter stuff only tastes like crap because you're not supposed to be eating it. And maybe in your haste, you chomp on a few seeds. The seeds are those little nuggets of the past. They are in the sweet stuff to remind you of who you are and where you came from, but they are not required while enjoying the present. Those sharp, black crunchy reminders of past failed relationships or break-ups will always be around, but there's no need to deal with them while enjoying the present moment. So my point is enjoy the present... the sweet, yummyness of life... right now. This is the good stuff.

I guess I should probably take some of my own advice.