Norbert

Chapters 2 & 3: Deadly Dating Patterns and Dating Games Men Play. Funny thing is, men have 6 more deadly dating habits/games than women do. Lucky us.

Anyways, after reading through all possible terrible dating patterns, I have determined my top 3.
1. "Just Buddies"
Warning sign: Getting dressed up and beauitful for a date makes you feel truly strange and uncomfortable, like you are not being the real you.
Story of my life. My guy friends like me. I awkwardly accept a date invitation.
The result is the equivalent of a natural disaster.
2. "Flame Out"
He is intimate, adoring and resistable from day one, and you feel out of control, like an addict who craves her fix: him!
Ok, so I may have a tendency to get a little bit carried away at the mere glimpse of potential. Is daydreaming about your bridesmaid dresses after 3 dates a little too much? Ok, I'm not THAT bad. But you get the point.
3. "Fade Away"
On dates you are not being spontaneous, quirky, or real, like you are when you hang out with your close friends.
SO been there. You see, I think I am a little weird. I feel strongly about certain things. I'm kind of a hippy. When I get stressed out, I stand on my head (it's a yoga thing), I wear flip flops when it's snowing, I think Canola Oil is the antichrist, I despise vaccines and most modern medicine, I use a Neti Pot (if you don't know what it is, look it up and you'll think I'm extra weird), and I am usually in bed by 9:30pm. See, I'm weird. So sometimes, I think I might try to hide my natural and beautiful weirdness by pretending to be someone I'm not on a date.
As helpful as my Love Guru's deadly dating pattern summary is, I really think she has missed the most crucial and relevant deadly dating situation. The one situation that plagues me the most. It's quite tragic. You see, I have a large, permanent, flashing fixture attached to my back that reads, "I LIKE FREAKS." Really, I'm not kidding. I am a weirdo magnet. And not my kind of weird, but the kind of weird that you would find at a Star Trek convention. I think I get myself into trouble because I really like to find the good qualities in people, I like to have an open mind, I like to be accepting of differences, I pride myself on being a kind, loving person. HOWEVER, I think this open minded attitude can sometimes turn dangerous. Being open minded to MILFhunters and Fatheroftheyear or Spok look-alikes is NOT a good thing.

Now, to rid myself of these deadly dating patterns. First, identify them and other secret negative beliefs. Then, write a loveless eulogy. Basically a eulogy for yourself that describes the loveless life you have led. One word, people: DEPRESSING. Not to mention humiliating... no way that one's getting posted. Now, write personal love intentions and make a commiment to yourself.

Ok, now the dating games men play. This is the good stuff... With examples like The shy Guy, The Geek, The Coward, The Peter Pan (afraid to grow up. Love it), The Trophy Seeker, The Player, or my personal favourite... The Pr*ck, this lady is speaking my language. But now what? I have identified my issues, dealt with them, and discarded them after pleasantly writing my own freakin' eulogy, but what about all the pr*cks out there? How do I deal with them?

As Carrie Bradshaw once said, "The fact is, sometimes it's really hard to walk in a single woman's shoes. That's why we need really special ones now and then to make the walk a little more fun."




So I guess all we can do is look hot, wear special shoes, and watch out for the pr*cks.

PS. I got a match.com message today from a guy named Norbert. Can you imagine yelling that name in bed?