Assignment #1- not going so well. I'm thinking I might try the sports route with this one. Maybe tennis lessons or a rock climbing class. Then again, these settings are prime opportunity for my clumsiness to shine and ample embarassment to ensue. Nothing like sustaining a sports-related injusry in front of my potential future husband.
Assignment #2- Talking to three new men everyday... this is WAY scarier than I thought it would be. And it's actually really hard! I mean, what kind of a conversation starter is appropriate for the Starbucks line up? A synopsis of my first day of saying hi to three new men: Man #1: Good looking, well dressed (a little too well dressed), tall. AND he was shopping at Community Natural Foods. In the salad dressing aisle. ALL very good signs. Good salad dressing is a staple in any refridgerator. So I stand beside him awkwardly pretending to be looking at olive oils. And because I'm incredibly lame, I point to the dressing he's holding and say, "That's a great one." Like, really? That's all I could come up with? Whatever, I was proud that I was actually even able to form a sentence. He responds extremely enthusiastically. Surprisingly. He then tells me it's his boyfriends favourite. Oops. I knew his khakis, loafers, argyle sweater vest and designer sunglasses were too good to be true. Man #2: Crash and burn. Said hi in the line up at Purple Perk (my fave coffee place). I made some small talk about the weather. He responded, laughed, got his coffee and that was about it. I wanted to nudge him and encouragingly whisper, "Buddy, this is where you tell me I'm the most beautiful woman you've ever laid eyes on and ask me for my phone number!" Man #3: Hottie in the elevator. GREAT conversation. Lives on the floor below me (not a good thing, but whatever, we can still chat). Pulls his hand from his pocket to take off his sunglasses aaaaaand.... WEDDING RING. Sweet.
Assignment #3- Ok, I didn't host a party, but I went to a great one! Met some wonderful people and heard some amazing live music. Not really prime opportunity to meet a man though. Plus, all of my "saying hi" encounters had exhasuted me. By this point, I was happy just to chill with my friends.
Assignment #4- (Insert creepy, climactic music here)... ONLINE DATING. Dear God. This is interesting. Ok, let me start with a few tips for anyone planning on creating an online profile.
1. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT take a shirtless picture of yourself in the bathroom mirror with the camera on your cell phone and use this as your profile picture. Creepy basement pictures of you holding your cat taken with a webcam are equally as horrifying.
2. User names like HOCKEYfan, Muscleman, slysexystud or Fatheroftheyear do NOT attract intelligent, good-looing, single woman. HOCKEYfan means you are too absorbed in some neanderthal sport to peel yourself away from the television for one minute to pay attention to me. Muscleman means you're conceited and are overcompensating in the muscle department for a lack of size in another department. Slysexystud means you're probably NOT sexy and you are trouble, pure trouble. And Fatheroftheyear means your kids are your top priority and there's no hope in hell of me ever competing for that spot.
3. EVERYONE claims they are handsome, easy-going and funny. Be a little more original. Seriously.
4. Please take 5 minutes to proofread your profile before you finalize it. Spelling errors, punctuation flaws and poor grammer in general are not a good thing. I mean, I won't even give your profile a second glance if you don't know the difference between their, they're and there.
5. Be yourself. Stop trying so hard. Oh and one more thing. We're not idiots. When you say you're loooking for a woman that takes good care of herself, we know that means you don't want a fatty. Thanks.
Anyways, it's only Saturday night... I'm sure I will have many more man encounters before the weekend is over.
One onservation that I do have- it seems like the sunshine brings out all the lookers. It's weird. Driving down 17th today, there was hotties everywhere! They must hibernate in the winter.
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