I think I'm Getting Old

And these are the reasons why:
-I really want a baby. It's creepy. Don't tell anyone.
-I think all the songs on the radio sound exactly the same. And I am particularly tired of people over-using the word 'shorty.' And I didn't know who Justin Bieber was until a couple months ago. How does one not know who the Bieber kid is? Seriously.
-I don't have cable. I frequently find myself watching TED Talks on the internet or reading consumer reports on environmentally friendly cleaning products. WTF?
-I constantly criticize other women's make-up. There is not a day that goes by that I don't want to walk up to someone and yell, "BLEND, woman!"
-I go to bed early. And usually do so drinking tea and reading a novel. Lame.
-My ideal Friday night (or Saturday night, or any other night of the week, for that matter): making dinner and watching movies with a certain special someone.
-I bought cellulite cream the other day. And I just laughed out loud when I typed that sentence.

And the number one reason that I know I am getting old....

I HATE STAMPEDE.

Ok, maybe hate is a strong word. But in my almost ten years of living in this fine city, never have I found myself feeling so bitter toward this annual boot stompin' drunken orgy.

Perhaps it's because I have had a wretched head cold all weekend and while desperately trying to fall asleep, all I can hear are YEEEEHAW's or car horns honking, or glass breaking on the pavement (Oh, the joys of living downtown). Or maybe it's because the annual occurance of this festive event seems to be an instant ticket for young men and women to turn into COMPLETE f*cking sluts. I guarantee it, more marriages are broken up during Stampede than during any other time of the year. What is it about putting on some trashy jean skirt, a cheap cowboy hat and some ugly cowboy boots that turns most girls into complete hussies? And men, why is a plaid shirt and tight jeans enough permission for you to treat women (even more) like garbage?

As I drove home along 17th Ave. tonight, I saw a girl wearing a shirt that read, "IT'S NOT CHEATING, IT'S STAMPEDING."

Great. Way to make a good impression:
"Calling all Dirt Bags! Yes, I am involved in a relationship, but since it's Stampede, and I will be completely inebriated all week and will lose all sense of judgment, I am hoping to destroy my current relationship by partaking in random sexual acts with complete strangers. I'm not too picky, I'd be down with an STD or two. In fact, I'd be ok with more than one guy too... The more, the merrier."

Yes, maybe I am reading a little too much into this, but come on.

Some other classy Stampede shirts I have seen so far (and it's what? Day 2 of Stampede?)

- Equally as repulsive as the above mentioned T-shirt, "Ride Hard, Ride Fast, RIDE ME."
- The OH SO ORIGINAL, "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy."
- And the completely lame and stupid, "Cowboy Butts Drive Me Nuts."

Get a life, people.

Whatever, I'm old and bitchy. In my defense, I think my bitchyness has been augmented due to the immense pressure in my sinuses. But nonetheless, still a bit of a bitch.

Maybe I will see if I can get a certain special someone to get on his jeans and cowboy hat, and take me for a night out on the Stampede grounds. We'll ingest some poison (in the form of mini-donuts and corndogs), pay way too much for everything, deal with massive amounts of people, horrendous line-ups and screaming children, and then to finish the night off right, maybe hit up Cowboys or my personal favourite, The Roadhouse, to drink our faces off and ruin our relationship by going home with someone else.

Sweet, sounds like a grand time.

Happy Stampede, everyone! I'm sure I'll be over this once I'm feeling better. :)