It's The Most Wonderful Time of The Year...

That song is nauseatingly catchy, no?
Anyways, it's been way too long. AGAIN. No reasonable excuses here. Although, we did run away to Hawaii for almost 2 weeks (heaven) so I guess that's kind of an excuse. And then when we got back.... VOILA.. winter! With winter comes the best holiday ever. I am, however, a little anxious about this one due to the current familial situation. So my coping mechanisms for the upcoming festivities are to:
1. Craft the HELL out of this Christmas.
2. Drink.  Not in an alchoholic kind of way, but in a take-the-edge-off kind of way.
3. Make a fuck load of *amazing* food and WOW the socks off our holiday house guests.

The three above mechanisms unexpectedly came in to play today.  Far earlier than I expected.  But it was fun.  We put up our first ever "together" Christmas tree.  We covered the exterior of our cute little house in those weird neon-like LED lights (personally, I like the old school Christmas lights) and we drank kind of a lot of wine in the process.  See some of our Christmas sparkle around the house.....

Stockings.  Cute, right?

Let the madness begin.



The finished project!!  OH YAAA!

Not Christmasy at all, but I'm in love with it.  All the shells I collected in Hawaii. 

Cute little homemade garland on the mantel. 



More Christmas.  Just not done.  I need to make that weird hole in the wall look good.

Anyways, I shall be (as mentioned above) pulling a FULL-ON Martha this year... so prepare yourselves for the photographic evidence.  It will be good. 

It's not even December yet, and I kind of hate myself for what I am about to say, but HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Tuesday Night Clow Cooker Dinner: Indonesian Chicken

Another good one! I'm quickly becoming obsessed with my slow cooker.  It's THE. BEST. THING. EVER. to come home to a meal that is cooked. And delicious. And ready to eat.

Ingredients

• 8 bonless skinless chicken thighs
• 5 carrots, chopped
• 2 onions, chopped
• 3 cloves of garlic
• 3/4 cup peanut butter
• 1/4 soy sauce
• 1 1/4 cup water
• Crushed hot pepper flakes to your liking
• 1/2 tsp. ground ginger
• 1 cup frozen peas
• 1 tbsp. white wine vinegar
• Unsalted peanuts or cashews, chopped
• Green onions, chopped

 

 Method

• Place chicken in slow cooker
• Add carrots, onions and garlic
• In a small bowl, whisk together peanut butter, soy sauce and water.  Add hot pepper flakes and ginger
• Pour peanut butter over chicken and combine to coat chicken
• Cook on Low for 4-5 hours
• Add white wine vinegar and peas and cook for another 10 minutes
• Serve over quinoa, rice or alone.  Garnish with peanuts and green onion
• Enjoy!

Pumpkin Cheesecake

I volunteered to take dessert to Lee's parents' place for Thanksgiving.  I decided I would combine two of my all time favourite desserts to make one heavenly and sinful creation: pumpkin cheesecake.  This cheesecake is low-fat, low-cal, no-sugar, ultra healthy and completely guilt-free.  Ok, not at all actually, but it tastes extra delicious if you tell yourself that as you're eating it.  Ignorance is bliss, no?

Ingredients

• 1 cup crushed ginger snap cookies
• 3 tbsp. melted butter
• 1-2 tbsp. brown sugar (depending on how sweet your ginger snaps are)
• 1 tsp. cinnamon
• 4 8 0z. pkg. cream cheese (no low-fat crap, please)
• 1 1/2 cups white sugar
• 5 eggs
• 1/4 cup flour
• 1 3/4 cup of pumpkin puree (not pumpkin pie filling)
• 1 tbsp. dark rum
• 1 tbsp. pumpkin pie spice mix or equal parts cinnamon, nutmeg and ground ginger

Method

• Preheat oven to 325 degrees.
• Combine first 4 ingredients in a small bowl.  Press into the bottom of a lightly greased spring form pan and put in the fridge to chill.
• In a large mixing bowl beat cream cheese until light and fluffy.
• Slowly add sugar and continue to beat.
• Beat in eggs, one at a time, fully combining mixture before adding the next.
• Slowly add flour and combine.  Add spice mixture.  
• Scrape the bowl down with a spatula and make sure everything is well combined.  The bowl will be FULL!  Don't be alarmed. 
• Pour cheese mixture into spring form pan and bake for 2 hours or until the cheesecake is set.
• Cool on the counter for 1 hour and then chill for several hours. 
• Enjoy!

Happy Thanksgiving!  (more pictures of our Thanksgiving feast to follow)
xoxoxo

Daydreaming...

I want so many house things now that we have a big fancy new house to put fancy new house things in.  The top priorities for our shopping weekend consist of #1. Pretty house things #2. More pretty house things and #3. You guessed it- more pretty house things.  We are only going for 2 nights and will only be driving a little Maxima, so in reality, this trip will not be that epic.  It just seems to be the only thing that is getting me through this day.  This is what I have been daydreaming about......

I want all this..

I want one of these....

I like this...

This is pretty...

  

Nice...



I want these too..




Amazing...



I love throw cushions!

Must have!

Breakfast For Tomorrow.... Today!

Due to the stress, changes and craziness of life recently, my mom and I have decided to run away for 2 days.  Nowhere exciting, just Montana.  Target is calling my name.  We will be leaving tomorrow morning, so I thought I'd make us some easy portable road-trip breakfast snacks.  The recipe is almost totally made up (so excuse the approximate measurements) but it turned out quite well, so I thought I'd share.

Muffin Tin Quiche

Ingredients

• 1 cup almond meal
• 1/4 cup ground flax seed
• A few tbsp. melted butter
• 4 eggs
• 1 cup milk
• 1 cup grated cheese of your choice 
• Your choice of veegtable filling:  I chose mushrooms, orange and red peppers, onions and garlic (all that was in my fridge!)

Method

• Combine first three ingredients in medium sized bowl (should be crumbly) and press into the bottom of 12 muffin tins. Bake at 350 degrees for about 5-8 minutes.
• Meanwhile, saute mushrooms and other veggies in olive oil.  Season well with S&P and your choice of herbs.
• In a large bowl, whisk together eggs, milk and cheese.
• Pull muffin tins out of the oven, and scoop about 1 tbsp. full of veggie mixture on to each crust.  Then carefully pour the egg and cheese in to the muffin tins to (*almost*) reach the top.
• Sprinkle with extra cheese if you'd like (who WOULDN'T like?) and bake at 350 for another 15-20 minutes or until the eggs have puffed up.  Don't overcook, though!
• Enjoy!!

Happy weekend!  (Well, it's my weekend, anyways!)

Lucky Number 5

I have always hated those nauseating couples that hang off of each other in the grocery store, cuddle in the movie theatre, or kiss in public places.  So hopefully, ME blogging about my amazing Lee doesn’t make me one of those people.  If it does, who the fuck cares?  He is awesome, and today is a special day for us.  We make a point of doing something special on the 5^th of every month.  Sometimes simply just acknowledging the day is all it is.  But it’s always special.  So, here are my 5 favourite things about Lee to celebrate the 5^th:

1. His willingness to help people.  He is always willing to fix something for someone, make a situation better, solve problems, and generally just lend a helping hand to anyone that needs it.

2. His love of children.  Always an attractive quality in a man.  J  But watching Lee with kids actually MELTS. MY. HEART.

3. His practicality and dependability.  Sometimes it drives me insane, but most times it keep me grounded.  If we were both flighty and “out there” then we would have a problem.

4. His little-kid-ness.  He is like a little kid in a 28 year old body and I LOVE it.  He never takes anything TOO seriously and he is always able to make me laugh.

5. His accepting and easy-going ways.  There are so many times that I catch myself acting like a loonie and think to myself, “If I was with anyone else right now, he would think/do _________.”   But Lee is easy-going and calm and is the most accepting and loving person that I know.  

He makes me feel lucky every day.  And I LOVE HIM!

Slow Cooker Tuesday Dinner: Artichoke Chicken

My routine-making always seems to start with meal-planning.  I always feel better having a week full of dinners planned out.  It’s kind of insane, actually.  Most people would organize drawers, or empty boxes, plan activities or meetings, but me, I plan FOOD.  I decided that Tuesday nights will be our slow cooker nights (as I often work late on Tuesdays).  Plus, cooking in the slow cooker is like opening a present.  You pop a bunch of random ingredients in to a pot, leave the house for 7 hours, come home to delightful aromas and open the pot to a wonderful surprise! A complete and delicious dinner.  Last night’s attempt: Artichoke Chicken and Quinoa.  The recipe was kind of a compilation of a few I had found online.  I wanted to eliminate flour and sugary ingredients, so this is what I came up with.  It was verrrrrry good!

Artichoke Chicken and Quinoa

Ingredients

-1 14 oz. can crushed tomatoes

-2 cloves garlic, minced

-1 cup chopped artichokes hearts (the ones from the deli marinated in oil are especially yummy)

-1/2 cup chopped, pitted olives (for the love of Pete, do NOT use the canned ones)

-1 medium yellow onion, chopped

-2 cups sliced mushrooms

-1 ¼ cup chicken broth

-a splash of dry white wine

-3 tbsp. arrowroot powder (cornstarch would suffice, I’d imagine)

-1 ½ lbs. boneless skinless chicken thighs or breasts

Method

-Combine all ingredients except chicken in slow cooker pot and stir to combine

-Place chicken on top of tomato mixture and spoon some of the mixture over the chicken

-Cook on low for 7-8 hours.  Serve over quinoa, steamed rice, or cous cous.

Monday

Well, it seems as though my attempt at a "New Beginning" and regular blogging has kinda sucked. I think maybe I have questioned whether or not my thoughts and ideas are worthy of actually blogging about. Like really, who gives a shit? My life is NOT that exciting. BUT... I am still blog obsessed. I follow this cool/weird fashion editor in NYC, this insane hippy vegan freak in Colorado (she's REALLY nuts), I read recipe blogs, wedding blogs, baby blogs, my friends blogs, boring blogs... I don't know what it is, but I find them all fascinating.  And I have recently becoming re-inspired by my awesome co-worker (and great friend) who just started a blog.  She is in the bloggymoon stage of blogging (the honeymoon stage, get it? Ha) where everything is fun and exciting.  But I realized today. NONE of these amazing bloggers are blogging about life-changing events or anything earth-shattering.  Just everyday happenings that I find SO awesome.
So, with the craziness of buying and completely re-doing (painting, carpet, floor, baseboards) a new house with my man (I know -SO exciting! I'm a grown-up!) behind me, I am looking forward to a regular routine and regular dinners and bed-times and regular BLOGGING.  Fingers crossed.  I love routine.  WOOT WOOT! 

I saw this on my friend Jess's blog, and thought I'd steal it to get the ball rolling. 

ABC's About Me
A. Age: 27
B. Bed Size: King - oh yeaaaaaa.  Our latest housey purchase.  *IN LOVE*
C. Chore that you hate: I like satisfying chores - ie. vacuuming.  I hate things that are never-ending - ie. dishes.
D. Dogs:  Not yet.... in the cards for spring.
E. Essential start to your day: A good-bye smooch from Lee (I know, PUKE)
F. Favorite color: Blue!
G. Gold or Silver: Silver usually.
H. Height: 5'9"
I. Instruments you play: None. :(
J. Job title: Office Administration/Chiropractic Assistant/Yoga Instructor
K. Kids: Nope.  Love 'em though
L. Live: Calgary, Alberta
M. Mother’s name: Janice
N. Nicknames: Miss (my Dad has called me Miss forever) and Lee calls me Koala because he thinks I cling on to him for dear life like a koala bear. Which I do NOT do. For the record
O. Overnight hospital stays: 5 nights in Grade 6 - I had Scarlet Fever.  Sounds like it was 1920 when I was in Grade 6
P. Pet peeves: Bad drivers.  Especially people who SQUINT while they drive.  Scary.
Q. Quote from a movie: So many.  But definitely, "Nobody puts Baby in a corner." -Dirty Dancing
R. Right or left handed: Right
S. Siblings: Brothers - 2 younger, A & D
T. Time you wake up: 5:00am 4 days of the week. Glorious, I know.
U. Ultimate Vacation: Anywhere with a beach.
V. Vegetable you hate: Raw eggplant.  They are fine cooked, though.
W. What makes you run late: My hair.  I can't handle bad hair days.  I have been having them alot lately.
X. X-Rays you’ve had: SOOO many... mostly of my back.
Y. Yummy food that you make: EVERYTHING.  So modest.  :)
Z. Zoo animal: Giraffes... I love their eyelashes. 

I'm back at it, bitches!!  Talk to you soon....

Sweet Saturday

 We had a busy, productive day today.  And we were lucky enough to have our little pal Finn over for the afternoon.  He helped us finish our upside-down tomato planter projects.  Apparently tomatoes love to grow upside-down.  Lee found a how-to video on YouTube.  We learned that marigolds on top are best because they protect the tomato roots from bugs.  Lee also found some beautiful black industrial bins to use as our tomato planters.  I decided they need to be spruced up with some polka-dots! 


Our beautiful Boss Lubricants bin

Polka-dots! The little tomatoes shoots are just peeking out the bottom.



Little cutie, bundled up inside watching us struggle to hang our baskets outside.  Giving us lots of instruction!



LOVE him.

Such a lovely day.  So happy to enjoy some sunshine.  I can't wait for some delicous sweet tomatoes and some more quality time with my little Finny.

A New Beginning

It's been one whole year (almost to the day) since my very first blog post. I started writing originally because my adventures as a single girl trying to find a husband turned out to be rather amusing, and I felt as though they needed to be shared. This blog was kind of an outlet. As I went on crash-and-burn dates, flirted with gay men in the grocery store and was continually horrified and kind of amused by my encounters with Calgary's men, writing about it all seemed to help make light of it. And also helped me learn alot about myself. I'm kind of insane. Not officially insane, but insane in a funny way. Me actively pursuing a man was like trying to feed a baby a new food. The only reason I use this analogy is because I recently tried feeding my best friend Jessica's baby some food he has never tried... it was HILARIOUS. He was SO expressive. So was I, I suppose. I was zooming tiny spoonfuls of mashed avocado and banana at his face while my mouth was wide open in hopes that we would follow my example and open his mouth wide enough in order to squeeze in a little scoopful. I was waving my other hand, making airplane sounds and chomping noises in hopes that maybe he would try this new concoction. But every time, just as I saw a glimmer of hope, and thought "this is it, this one's goin' in," he closed his mouth, I smooshed the spoon into his face and with the taste of green gunk on his tongue, he curled up his entire face in complete disgust and stuck his tongue right out. We played this game repeatedly. There was no getting in. So, long analogy, yes... but that was me. Trying to force my way into a relationship, make things right when they weren't.

Sometimes you just gotta let go. And most times you find exactly what you're looking for when you're not looking for it at all. Besides, life is all about timing. (My big revelation. More on this to come.)

One year later, life is so much different. And so amazing. After two incredible trips to Florida to correct my scoliosis, an amazing and memorable Christmas with my family, one year (I can't even believe it) full of giggles and exciting milestones with Jessica's sweet little baby, months of rewarding and satisfying work, and five months of FUN, laughter, and complete wonderfulness with the most kind and perfect man... here I am. And I've missed this little blog of mine... so here we go again. A new beginning. Instead of blogging about my single life, I'll be blogging about my life. Just my life. It may not be exciting and rivetting, but it's mine. And I love it. Pictures, recipes, crafts, tid-bits, paintings, memories, stories, all of the sweet stuff.

Week One: COMPLETE!

So I have just finished my first week of intensive scoliosis correction down in Florida. It has been an emotional (and physical) roller coaster. The first day hit me like a ton of bricks, as what I was experiencing was FAR beyond anything that I had ever imagined. Day 2 and 3 were emotional and painful and Day 4 was absolutely brutal. Yesterday, I was completely exhausted. My body was just done. I was in incredible amounts of pain and I was completely drained. At the end of Day 4, we took another set of x-rays, and I came back to the condo and crashed. Although sleep is barely sleep when every once of your body is throbbing. Today was my turn-around day. I felt so much better this morning. Especially after seeing my x-rays! That huge curve that you see in the x-ray below is a 43 degree curve. After four days, it's down to 34 degrees. Still some work to do for sure, but we are all so thrilled with these positive changes. My doctors say that now that my spine is finally moving, we will be able to get some deep changes next week. It has not been easy, but it's all worth it!

I can feel all the positive vibes and thoughts and prayers every single minute of every single day and I so grateful. I am so lucky to have such amazing people thinking of me and taking care of me. Thank you.

Fate

I broke up with my boyfriend and I'm getting a new spine. Shit. Life is crazy. I mean, it's crazy how things work out.

First of all, the spine thing. I have a scoliosis. A pretty bad one. Not the worst ever, but bad enough that I am thrilled and completely elated about the possibility of getting it corrected. I have been in contact with a great doctor in Orlando who specializes in scoliosis correction. I am going down in one week for 14 days of intensive care. I have my flights booked, my vacation property reserved (private pool, king size bed, oh yeaaah), and have paid my deposit for this pricey two weeks of corrective care. The whole thing is surreal. I think I might have a bit of an identity crisis. I mean, this is the body that I have known for my whole life. Now everything is going to change. Exciting. Terrifying. Life changing.

Second, the boyfriend thing. Apparently my crazy magnet has not been removed. I thought I was rid of it, as this seemed to be the real thing. But nope. Not quite. Pretty disappointed, pretty sad, but also kind of relieved. It's exhausting worrying about someone else all the time. And it's absolutely torture feeling like you're the only one invested in a relationship. All the exhaustion and emotional turmoil was not only making me irritated and upset, but also sick. Physically. It's crazy how your body physically responds to something stressful. Not a healthy situation. So enough of the crazy, on to good changes and an exciting new direction. Maybe I will ask Dr. Nalda if he can remove my crazy magnet as part of my treatment. I mean it can't be that hard, just a minor surgical procedure. Get that thing outta me... no more crazy.

Anyways, I'm planning on blogging my entire trip. It's going to be quite an adventure. Especially if I meet a hot American husband on the plane. Now wouldn't that be fate? A new spine and a husband all in one trip.

Sayonara, Scoliosis.

Thankful

After another delicious family feast, I am left feeling the need to write.  Plus, it's been over a month, and I am getting harassed by my followers (ie. ONE follower - my brother) to blog.  So, here I am.  With a full tummy, kind of a heavy heart (I'll explain why later), and a brain full of blog ideas bouncing around, I am lying on the floor with my laptop watching Dancing With The Stars.  Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.  

These family gathering always get me thinking: Where the F*#$ did I come from?  I really wonder.  How do I fit in with this family?  Did I come from the milkman?  Here is a little family tree breakdown as an explanation:

Specimen A: Papa G

Civil Engineer, Masters Degree, Ironman, hard-working, dedicated, non-emotional, introverted, traditional, conservative, kind of a nerd.

Specimen B: Mumma J

Community Health Nurse for ten years, incredible stay-at-home mom, now a coordinator at a Fine Arts school, loving, caring, would do anything for anyone.

Specimen C: Brother D

Typical middle child, smart, but vulgar, sarcastic, a bit of a womanizer, kind of an asshole and absolutely nothing like me.

Specimen D: Brother A

Typical youngest child, the life of the party, hilarious, witty, smart, also a bit of a womanizer, less of an asshole, but still nothing like me. 

{note: both Brother D and A also work at nightclubs, shoot stuff, and eat raw meat for breakfast, lunch and dinner.}

Other dinner guests tonight:

-Steve: family friend, the sweetest, most stylish, delicious man I know.  If only he liked girls.  We'd have adorable babies.  Just sayin'.

-Ellen: childhood friend from Grade 2, incredibly intelligent, beautiful, amazing, one of the best friends a girl could ask for.

-Mark: grew up with the boys, pretty much similar to them, just slightly more PG, less R-rated.

-Xander: another friend of Brother A's, there's still hope for him.  He seems sweet enough, here's hoping the boys don't totally corrupt him before his 21st birthday.

And then there's me, Specimen E.  I'm kind of the odd ball.  Always have been, always will be.  With extreme views about healthcare, with passionate opinions about relationships, with values and convictions strongly rooted in respect and loyalty, I often find myself feeling a little left out in these heated (wine-induced) conversations. 

Quite the recipe for an interesting dinner, wouldn't you say?  Thank God Ellen was there.  At least I had one person in my corner!  

Which brings me to the part about a heavy heart.  The person that I really wanted to be there tonight couldn't make it.  I could have had another person in my corner.  And the one person that matters a lot to me.  Kinda bummed, but I'll get over it.  That's another blog post entirely.  

Anyways, I guess this is my point for this Thanksgiving Monday night:  family is family.  It doesn't matter how big of an asshole Brother D is, he's still my brother.  When it comes right down to it, I know that they would do anything for me.  I know that when shit hits the fan, when things fall apart, or when there is a real problem, we all come together, we all support each other, and there is nothing that we can't get through together.  I guess maybe the sum of our family combined is stronger and greater than its individual parts.  I guess that's just what family is.

My Ovaries Ache

Yes, you read right. I said it. My ovaries ache.

Translation: I want babies. Don't tell people; this is not something to be excited about. This is causing turmoil in my life. And no, Wild does not know that I have baby fever. Way to make a new boyfriend immediately vanish. I'm good enough at that as it is. Hah. But he can't be oblivious... I mean, he must see how I instantly fixate on any child within a 10 meter radius of us, how all I talk about is my best friends new little baby who I can't get enough of, and how I literally attract them. I swear, I am a baby magnet. They flock to me. It's like I'm a much hotter version of Dora the Explorer. Or Barney. Justin Bieber? Or something. Nevermind, bad analogy. You get the point.

But anyways... back to the turmoil part. My biological clock is ticking. The ticking is interfering with my other clocks, and all this noice is getting irritating. And quite honestly, it's making me a crazy person. I have never really even believed in the whole biological clock thing. I always just thought it was a funny term that women used when they were getting tired of being in a relationship lacking commitment, or in another unsettling place in life.

Well, after a little research (very reputable sources: Wikipedia, etc.), I have confirmed that there IS in fact such a thing as a biological clock. In fact, all human beings, plants and animals have an internal clock that tells us when to eat, sleep, wake up... the list goes on. So it only makes sense that I have two monstrous clocks taking over my ovaries and wreacking havock on my emotions. Seriously people, I'm only 26, what's my problem?

I hate to have timelines. I feel like we all put so much pressure on ourselves to get things done by a certain time, to have this many credentials, to make this much money, to have this promotion by this time.... like really, we all need to chill the f*ck out and enjoy life. I have never been one to put timelines on the progression of my own life. I will get married when I will get married. I will have kids when I have kids. Putting a date on those events is lame. Not fun. And not healthy. Yet, here I am, having infant urges.

I think this will pass, though. It's just a phase. And realistically, I am in no position to have a baby right now (my boss would kill me). And really, it's not a bad thing that I am excited about being a mom (in the future), right? It just means that I know what I want for my life. My life work will be my family. I am here to be a sister and a daughter, but I am also here to be an incredible wife and an amazing mother, and I know that will happen sometime. I guess maybe I just get excited about the possibilities.

But for now....

Ovaries, you need to shut the hell up. Seriously. Let's not get in a fight now. I'm going to need you later.

Lifesavers

Girlfriends are the best. When shit hits the fan, when you're down in the dumps, when you feel like a fat, ugly mess, or when you are a complete emotional basket case, there is nothing that cures these symptoms quite like a good giggle with a good girlfriend. It's the small moments and the simple pleasures that make life so amazing. And it's so good to share those with friends. Boyfriends, too, yes. But to be able to sit outside on a warm, breezy Friday night and eat chips and salsa, drink iced chai's and laugh hysterically to the point of embarassment is absolutely priceless (my tummy muscles are going to hurt in the morning - no lie). I don't know if I could do this with a boyfriend. It just wouldn't be the same. And this particular Friday night moment was extra special because of the reminiscing of our numerous past moments of humour together. I don't know what it is, but together, we are like fun magnets. Strange things just always seem to happen to us. It's pretty much the most awesome thing ever.

My girlfriends make me a better person by knowing them.
CS- You are wise beyond your years, your honesty and kindness are immensely admirable. Your warm spirit lights up a room and there has always been something about you that just shines. You radiate goodness. I am lucky to be able to call you my friend.
JD- My rock. You are beautiful inside and out. You walk through life with such strength and grace and you amaze me everyday. I respect you, look up to you and love you so much.
EL- You are such a role model to me. I am so proud of you and am always in awe of all of your accomplishments. You have such a big heart and I am fortunate be a part of your life. I am excited to see you conquer the world. You're a superwoman.

I fall asleep with cheeks that ache from smiling, a tummy that is satisfied with salsa, and a heart so full that it makes me feel like everything is okay in the world. And how good is that?


"They say nothing lasts forever. Dreams change, trends come and go, but friendships never go out of style."
~C.B.

Never Send a Man To Do a Woman's Job

After an emotionally exhausting few days, I find myself left with a terribly negative thought pattern in my head. It's on repeat. It's on full blast... high volume. It's bad.

You're too nice. Such a pushover. Way too accepting. You did something wrong. You've been lied to. You're not good enough. What's wrong with you, anyways???

So after a good little cry on my way home from work in the rain today, I decided it's time for a nice positive uplifting blog post.

Ok, my cry may have been more than "little." It was more like an ugly cry. So ugly that that the guy stopped at the light beside me on Macleod Trail concerningly looked over at me and mouthed the words, "Are you ok?" You know what I'm talking about. Full snot streams out of both nostrils. Horrific looking mascara streaks down the face and neck. And that noise. That awful sobbing/gasping noise where your lungs are furiously trying to inhale enough oxygen and regulate your breathing patterns to get your body out of this extreme state of panic and hyperventilation. Come to think of it, I probably shouldn't have been driving.

But I'm fine. I just need a good cry every once in a while. Once it's out, life is good again.

ANYWAYS... this is supposed to be a positive entry. And it is! I am going to celebrate all the things that I do better than men. Actually no, I am going to celebrate all the things that WOMEN DO BETTER THAN MEN. Hence the beautiful, profound and poetic title of this post.

So aside from being better drivers, living longer, making smarter investments, and being superior communicators (I don't make this shit up, dudes. Its all fact - read the studies), we are also better at much more, maybe less tangible or quantifiable, but still equally as important.

-Worrying
Move over guys, this is our specialty. Maybe it's worrying about whether or not you had enough to eat for lunch, made it to work safely, or are having a good day in general. We have got it covered. And fuck yes, this is a good thing. I am tired of feeling bad about the things that I do well. And damnit, I worry well. And statements like "Don't worry, I'll be fine" are usually indicators to us to worry more, FYI jackass.

-Having The Flu
I think I have mentioned it before, but men are whiney little bitches when they're sick. Seriously, just give us all the sickness there is. The world would be a much better place if only women got sick. We suck it up, suffer in silence, take care of ourselves, and get better. Men sniffle, whine, complain and exaggerate about ailments, that to us, hardly seem worthy of mention.

-Planning
This is something my mom has always warned me of. "Sorry sweetness, you're going to have to plan this one. Don't wait for him to do it." And holy shit, is she right. Trying to plan a vacation, dinner party, or even a movie can literally be like pulling teeth when you are trying to collaborate with your man.

-Getting Shit Done
It's true. Whether it's paying a parking ticket, making reservations, buying groceries, or the dreaded, TALKING ABOUT FEELINGS, leave it to us to get it done. If we left it to them, the world would be a monstrous, uncommunicative mess.

-Caring
Ok, maybe that's a bit harsh. I know that men care. I just don't think they express how they care as well as we do. Or maybe it's how we care, the quality of care that's different.
But I am generalizing both parties. Maybe all women don't care like I do. So I will speak for myself.

I care whole-heartedly and with total and complete abandonment. I care so much that it hurts me sometimes. I care to the point where all I can think about is that other person, what they are doing, how they are, what THEY are feeling, and how I can help them. I pour my heart into caring. I will even care to the point of exhaustion, even when I know it will not be reciprocated, or know I will be hurt.

That is how much I care.

And not selectively. It's not a time sensitive, mood-dependant thing. It's there all the time. It's me.

So rather than feeling inferior, weak, or pathetic for my amazing caring abilities, I'm choosing to love them. And KNOW that they will serve me well.

Besides, I would rather pour my whole heart and soul into something I care about, give every ounce of who I am, love with every fiber or my being and end up completely and utterly heartbroken, trampled, ruined and devastated, than NOT care, NOT try, NOT put in the effort, and look back in regret, wishing that I had.

I think I'm Getting Old

And these are the reasons why:
-I really want a baby. It's creepy. Don't tell anyone.
-I think all the songs on the radio sound exactly the same. And I am particularly tired of people over-using the word 'shorty.' And I didn't know who Justin Bieber was until a couple months ago. How does one not know who the Bieber kid is? Seriously.
-I don't have cable. I frequently find myself watching TED Talks on the internet or reading consumer reports on environmentally friendly cleaning products. WTF?
-I constantly criticize other women's make-up. There is not a day that goes by that I don't want to walk up to someone and yell, "BLEND, woman!"
-I go to bed early. And usually do so drinking tea and reading a novel. Lame.
-My ideal Friday night (or Saturday night, or any other night of the week, for that matter): making dinner and watching movies with a certain special someone.
-I bought cellulite cream the other day. And I just laughed out loud when I typed that sentence.

And the number one reason that I know I am getting old....

I HATE STAMPEDE.

Ok, maybe hate is a strong word. But in my almost ten years of living in this fine city, never have I found myself feeling so bitter toward this annual boot stompin' drunken orgy.

Perhaps it's because I have had a wretched head cold all weekend and while desperately trying to fall asleep, all I can hear are YEEEEHAW's or car horns honking, or glass breaking on the pavement (Oh, the joys of living downtown). Or maybe it's because the annual occurance of this festive event seems to be an instant ticket for young men and women to turn into COMPLETE f*cking sluts. I guarantee it, more marriages are broken up during Stampede than during any other time of the year. What is it about putting on some trashy jean skirt, a cheap cowboy hat and some ugly cowboy boots that turns most girls into complete hussies? And men, why is a plaid shirt and tight jeans enough permission for you to treat women (even more) like garbage?

As I drove home along 17th Ave. tonight, I saw a girl wearing a shirt that read, "IT'S NOT CHEATING, IT'S STAMPEDING."

Great. Way to make a good impression:
"Calling all Dirt Bags! Yes, I am involved in a relationship, but since it's Stampede, and I will be completely inebriated all week and will lose all sense of judgment, I am hoping to destroy my current relationship by partaking in random sexual acts with complete strangers. I'm not too picky, I'd be down with an STD or two. In fact, I'd be ok with more than one guy too... The more, the merrier."

Yes, maybe I am reading a little too much into this, but come on.

Some other classy Stampede shirts I have seen so far (and it's what? Day 2 of Stampede?)

- Equally as repulsive as the above mentioned T-shirt, "Ride Hard, Ride Fast, RIDE ME."
- The OH SO ORIGINAL, "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy."
- And the completely lame and stupid, "Cowboy Butts Drive Me Nuts."

Get a life, people.

Whatever, I'm old and bitchy. In my defense, I think my bitchyness has been augmented due to the immense pressure in my sinuses. But nonetheless, still a bit of a bitch.

Maybe I will see if I can get a certain special someone to get on his jeans and cowboy hat, and take me for a night out on the Stampede grounds. We'll ingest some poison (in the form of mini-donuts and corndogs), pay way too much for everything, deal with massive amounts of people, horrendous line-ups and screaming children, and then to finish the night off right, maybe hit up Cowboys or my personal favourite, The Roadhouse, to drink our faces off and ruin our relationship by going home with someone else.

Sweet, sounds like a grand time.

Happy Stampede, everyone! I'm sure I'll be over this once I'm feeling better. :)

A Collaborative Effort: Hot Sex For Sandwiches

Happy Canada Day. I am celebrating by drinking Corona's with my brother (Brother #2) while preparing to drive across the province for a family reunion this weekend. Oh, the excitement. After a few Corona's, and a harsh scolding from my brother about neglecting my faithful blog followers, we decided it was necessary to post a collaborative blog. For the record, the title was all him.

A few points we will be covering:
-Market relationships.
-An exchange of goods and services.
-How the dynamics of today's relationships have changed because of feminism.
-And my personal favorite - stretching and reaching.

Can you tell Brother #2 is a Sociology major? He's also a professional womanizer, a bounty hunter, a part time super hero, and an all around smart ass.

Let us elaborate:
Back in the old days, a market relationship was as follows: A man was more capable of killing a sabre tooth tiger with a stick, and a woman was more capable of raising children. Hence the "hot sex for sandwiches" term - a woman gives a man hot sex, he gives her what she needs to make sandwiches. I like to think of it like this - a man provides security and a woman gives him a family. Sounds vulgar and somewhat primitive, but I think Brother #2 has a valid point.

Feminism has changed the success of relationships because it has changed the dynamics, skewed the typical roles and totally f*cked up the polarity scales. Women are totally capable of self sustenance, and other than in extreme scenarios, don't really rely on men for security anymore. Men, on the other hand, have mostly become bonafide subscribers to the weekly issue of VaginaVille (a.k.a. pacification of man). For example, finding a man capable of kicking in the door to a burning building, killing six men with his bare hands, throwing a damsel in distress over his shoulder and heroically carrying her to safety is about as rare as finding that damsel in distress that will let someone take care of her, or for that matter, even needs to be taken care of.

This is an excellent illustration of why successful relationships always have a reacher and a stretcher.
A reacher: someone that is reaching down.
A stretcher: someone that is stretching up.
Ideally, the reacher and stretcher meet half way, and all is good in the world.
You can reach and stretch in different ways though. For example, Brother #2 always feels like he is the stretcher is the looks department in most of his relationships. However, the girls he is with are most likely stretching in other departments.

After another highly intellectual and insightful night with Brother #2, I am left thinking...
Maybe I need to channel my inner damsel. I mean, I'm not going to turn into a complete needy, high-maintenance flake. BUT... I am starting to realize that people need to feel valued for their skills, abilities and strengths. They especially need to feel valued by the person they are with. So I think it's ok for me to let down my walls a bit, to ask for help, to get a certain special someone to fix my car, and drop the "I can do it myself" thing. Besides, being a damsel in distress could be fun sometimes. Might take some getting used to, but here goes nothing.

Confessions

I have never really considered myself a girlie girl. I'm pretty low-maintenance. I mean, I went out in public today after hot yoga in torn sweat pants (I think they're men's pants, actually) and a baseball cap. I'm just not really the girlie type.

Or so I thought. I was clearly in denial. I had a MAJOR Carrie Bradshaw moment tonight. Let me explain.

It's a beautiful Saturday summer night and I am home. Alone. Doing laundry. Partly because I am feeling sorry for myself because a special certain someone is out in Vancouver for business all weekend. But mostly because I am a big nerd. I often require quiet nights at home to recharge and get my life organized. So, in my cleaning and laundry frenzy, I had a sudden urge to clean out my front hall closet. It's been a long time coming.

The shoes! Oh, the shoes! I almost sustained major trauma to the head, as they started to tumble off the higher shelves. "It's time," I thought to myself. Time to say good-bye to the glittery high heels I wore to my highschool graduation, the golf shoes that I haven't worn in about 4 years, the "WHAT-WAS-I-THINKING?" knee high black leather boots, and of course, several pairs of flip flops.

After gutting my closet, this is what I am left with:
A large laundry basket full of shoes to take to Value Village - 36 pairs.
And a semi-organized closet - 53 pairs.

That means that at 8:00 tonight, I had 89 pairs of shoes in my closet! I am shocked, appalled, and humiliated. I felt as though photo documentation was necessary.

The upper shelves, somewhat organized. 15 pairs.


The amazing little Ikea organizers. 31 pairs. And oh yeah, 7 more pairs on the floor of the closet.


The aftermath... I shed some tears as we said our good-byes.
Don't ask me about those zebra prints.


Anyways, all the falling shoes stirred up lots of old memories. Each pair had a story. So I'm still sticking with the idea that I'm not girlie. I'm just nostalgic. Plus, shoes are the perfect accessory. You can make a mediocre outfit fan-freakin-tastic with the right pair of kicks. And you never feel fat when trying on shoes. I have just always thought that every occassion should have the perfect pair of shoes. Even if the occassion is going grocery shopping or to the beach... there is the right pair of shoes for every activity and every day.

I don't really need all those shoes anymore though. I just need one pair. You know, that perfect pair that goes with everything, that you can take anywhere, that always looks amazing, that makes you feel invincible, sexy, powerful, that cushions every step you take, that is with you every step of the way... and that just fits. Kind of like the perfect man. :)

10 Things That Never Cross a Man's Mind

1. Man, I am SO in the mood for cuddling up in front of a sweet little romantic Gerard Butler comedy.
2. Two pounds up? Shit! I'm off beer for a month.
3. DAMN THIS HUGE PENIS! God!
4. I know the best way to resolve this conflict. Let's talk about our feelings.
5. OMG, I am so looking forward to vino and appies at book club Friday night with the boys.
6. Do I EVER need a mani/pedi!
7. Woa, that paisly upholstery on my antique chair totally does NOT go with the throw cushions in the breakfast nook.
8. I'm totally boycotting sex until she apologizes.
9. Babe, can you puh-leeease change the channel? This football stuff is getting old... I really wanna watch The Bachelor.
10. If I want us to date for about 2 years, get married on the beach in Hawaii, have a couple years to ourselves before kids, then have two kids with the last one born before 35, then F*CK, I need to meet the love of my life tonight!

Like I said, they may have the AHV... but we are definitely a little crazy.